Ep 25. Finding Joy In Food Again

Sam (: 00:00

Well, it's been quite a fortnight. Have I got my mojo back for cooking and eating? Not quite, but there has been progress, which is what I'm going to share with you today. Firstly, a huge, huge thank you for all of your kind messages of support and encouragement since the last episode. When life throws a curve ball, food can quickly shift from something you enjoy to something that really feels impossible.

In my last episode, I talked about those raw first days of that reality. This episode, I want to talk about what happens when the intensity eases a little, but you're still not quite yourself. When food is part survival, part healing and part rediscovery. It's hard to believe that I'm now five weeks into this journey. When I first opened up about it, it was from a place that was very, very raw.

And I think that's why it perhaps resonated with so many of you, because these are the kinds of experiences that often stay hidden. We don't always talk about what happens with food when life feels heavy or when emotions are all over the place. So I really thought it was worth revisiting to share where I'm at now and to be honest about how things have unfolded. The main reason for continuing to share this with you though, is in case you are facing something similar.

I think there is a lot of comfort to be had in a shared experience. The truth is my food journey over these past few weeks has been just as higgledy-piggledy as my emotions. Some days I've managed to cook and even enjoy the process. Other days I've just eaten whatever I could manage. And I will be the first to admit that that's not often been the healthiest of choices. That has looked like coffee instead of a meal, maybe a piece of cake with said coffee.

or even just a chunk of cheese in place of a meal, and on other days, just managing one half-decent meal in a day. And that is okay. I've learned that every day is about doing what I can, eating what I can, and not expecting perfection. It might not sound polished or tidy, but it's real. And if you've ever found yourself in a similar place, I hope this reminder helps you feel less alone in it.

Because when life throws you a curve ball, it's not about having it all sorted, it's about doing what you can with what you've got and letting that be enough. And part of that for me has been noticing the small, practical shifts in what I've been able to eat along the way. My appetite still comes and goes, some days are easier, whilst other days, food still feels like a massive effort. The pit in my stomach is still there.

Definitely to a lesser degree with time, but it is definitely acting as an inhibitor for me to be able to face what I would call proper food. And I can honestly say that I have very rarely felt hungry over the past few weeks. And when you're not hungry, eating just isn't on your The first time I actually remember feeling properly hungry was actually after a really bad night's sleep, a networking meeting that I had hosted.

And it was the day I released the previous podcast episode all about eating through the tough times. I felt so physically and emotionally drained. I had a blinding headache that I actually forced myself to eat a mixed grain tomato risotto. And actually when I started eating it, I realised how hungry I was. I loved it. I loved how I felt full and how I could feel it lift my spirits and energy. Do you know what I mean? Food is powerful like that.

I even slept better that night too. However, whilst I'd enjoyed eating something so wholesome and knew in that moment the good it was doing me, when I woke up the next day, I couldn't face a breakfast. There I was, back on that food and emotional roller coaster. But I didn't beat myself up about this. And later that morning, I enjoyed a flat white and a small piece of cake I'd made a couple of days earlier.

Bizarrely, when I look at the food I have been able to eat, I kept turning to soft foods, scrambled eggs, high protein scrambled eggs, cottage cheese on its own. I just couldn't stomach anything that required too much chewing or effort on my behalf. After that, I then found myself leaning into foods with sauces. The butter chicken recipe with the Thermomix was amazing.

At first, I didn't eat anything with it and only managed a very small portion, but it was still progress. And around the same time, I tried a five-grain risotto. I made it, had a very small helping, and then couldn't face the rest until a few days later, which I've just told you about, when it felt really good and incredibly nourishing.

Breakfast has been its own challenge. I'll admit, I probably don't help myself there. My trusty flat white comes first and I know that that might well be suppressing what little hunger I do have. And while I'm not willing to change that yet, breakfast is starting to creep back in. And I'm doing this by adding extra eggs into the scrambled egg mixture I'm making for the boys.

The portions might be small, but it's a step. And it isn't every morning, but again, I'm just doing what I can when I can. Really interestingly, I have stopped being able to manage our old go-to stir-fried vegetables. I did have them once or twice in the immediate aftermath, but since then, there's been a block. I don't know if it's a texture thing, or maybe it's because it was such a regular part of my old routine. And maybe it's a bit of both.

The mind is interesting, right? I do hope I get over this one as I really do like how that old breakfast used to set me up so well for the day.

Surprisingly, I started making more cakes than meals in the first instance, not because I was eating lots of them, but because feeding others at networking meetings, making sure the boys had treats, gave me a reason to bake. And yes, I'd always have a little bit, but it felt good to create food with joy again, even if it wasn't always for me. And at the same time, I began showing up in my Facebook group a little bit more, posting updates, sharing recipes, going live every now and then.

and just letting myself be part of things again. And just last week, I decided to turn to my group as a form of accountability for me to make and eat some decent food. Not only am I going live and sharing recipes with you guys, but I'm also ensuring that there is proper food in the house that I can eat if and when I get hungry. And the support in the group...

reminds me that it doesn't matter if I lose my way when I'm live. Unfortunately, that has only happened once. The connections I have with you guys, just like the boys and even music in the background, have been small but powerful reminders that food can still be comforting and connecting. I've also leaned into some small practical ideas, having a handful of nuts at the ready when I feel a bit shaky.

God knows why, but I'm absolutely loving salted peanuts without refined oil around them, of course. And smoothies have been a bit of a godsend too, primarily raspberry because I've got so many in my freezer from the allotment. They're easy to consume and it's really easy to add extra nutrients with seeds and nuts into a smoothie. I've found it's helped carry me through the days when energy and appetite are low.

So whilst I'm not eating as I was, there has definitely, definitely been a real shift from pure survival eating, toast, granola, coffee, towards gentle steps back into nourishment. Things like grains, fruit, simple soups, nothing complicated, just food that feels good without pressure. And as I look ahead, I'm encouraging myself to add one new nourishing dish every week. I'm not forcing anything, just noticing what I can do. And as we speak,

I'm planning to make a beautiful, nourishing, very earthy and warming vegetable harira soup. Again, it's soft in texture, but I also know it's full of so much goodness. There are plenty of similar recipes out there, but I will share this one for you in the show notes as it is a massive favorite of mine. It's not particularly pretty to look at, but it's what I call earthy, good for the soul food. And if you're in a similar place to me, then I encourage you to try a new nourishing dish this week.

Simple to make, but full of goodness.

And again, the words of support and encouragement that you have continuously given me over the past five weeks are massively appreciated, along with the food suggestions as well. I found it really fascinating to see how we all turn to different things in order to heal. And like I've mentioned, some people enjoy soups and others enjoy smoothies. There is a whole array of things that we turn to.

So that's where I am right now. I'm not out of the woods, but I am slowly piecing myself back together with food as part of the process. My Thermomix has been a quiet helper in all of this. Not the whole story, but a way of keeping things simple when I didn't have the energy for more. If you're in this space too,

Please know you don't have to leap back into perfect meals. Tiny steps count. Some days those steps will feel shaky and other days they'll feel stronger.

but each one moves you forward. What I've learned is that resilience isn't about bouncing back quickly. It's about finding the courage to keep going and even when it's messy. And slowly, bit by bit, food is becoming not just something I get through,

but something that reminds me I can find joy again. And as I always say, it's about flourishing, not floundering. And I feel like I'm just beginning to find that again.